August and Everything After


Kevin & Damian came home from their summer in Florida on August 1. As soon as they walked off the plane, I had to do a double take because they both seemed to grow so much this summer! Kevin is now "looking down" on me, and Damian has been stretching out too.

August 2018 |
Hydrangeas at Grandma Bell's |

We had a family reunion and they made it home just in the nick of time to be there. It is always a treat to see them play at my Grandma's house and the playground next door. This used to be my favorite place to pretend to be on stage singing and I love seeing my boys here. However, Damian finds "other" uses for the stage.

Grandma's House 2018 |

I had to make some big decisions lately about the way we'll organize next school year, and finally took steps today to sort it out officially so that Damian will go to a new school district as he starts third grade. While signing up for a new school feels heavy in itself, (especially when leaving a school we loved dearly and have driven to daily for seven years), there is so much history that goes into this for us. Today I spent some time reflecting on that, because it's an important part of my motivation to be thankful for each day I have with my sons.

Kevin was also going to start third grade when I received a call, four years ago today, notifying me that he would start third grade in Florida. I would rather not re-write this story, so it's summed up here.


That August 9 phone call changed my life. It killed something in me, but it wasn't until some time later that I realized the trauma was a gift. I was given a clean tear without residual confusion. For the first time in my life, I could look directly at my empty future and fill it however I wanted. The power of that realization used to scare me, but now I don't mind the autonomy.  I learned to get comfortable writing my own story, and finally trained my hand to stop shaking while holding the pen.

Four years later and we've traveled a long way from the phone call. I'm thankful to be where we are, living in the "after." I'm finally an average mom at Target grabbing school supplies for my sons. Each Crayola box and shark pencil pouch brings me so much joy- Christmas morning kind of joy. Being able to raise them is my greatest honor.